The beauty in success

This is a strange blog post for me to be writing, but I have beat infertility, for now. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant. I didn't think that I would be able to ever post this. It's.....amazing, and scarey all at the same time.

I know how hard it is to hear success stories when you have yet to have one, so here is what I want those of you who are still struggling to know. It's ok to be mad. It's ok to be frustrated and to wonder why it wasn't you. And it is even ok to sulk. But only for a little while. Don't let that anger and frustration rule you. I did when a friend of mine got pregnant, and it made everything worse. In fact, it just made me feel like crap.

Also, I don't expect you to be overly excited for me, but I do want you to take this away from my success..........

There is hope. Infertility can become fertility, and even when it doesn't there is beauty in the acceptance of trails and in adoption. You can have a family. You are not a failure. It was when I finally accepted that it was ok if I couldn't have a child (mostly) that I destressed my life enough to be able to recieve this blessing. I know the last thing you want to hear from someone who has come through this is to just hold on, but that is what you must do. Please always know that there is hope.

This pregnancy has not been without complications thus far, which is why I have waited so long to tell everyone, but I trust my Heavenly Father. I trust that I will have a beautiful, healthy baby. Not because the doctors have told me so, or the tons of ultrasounds have, but because I have faith. Without my faith I would be a giant ball of fear, not to say I don't have my breakdowns, and that fear never gets the best of me. However, I have decided to walk in faith instead of fear, and I hope you will too.

First comes Love, then comes Marriage, then comes a Baby in a baby carriage!

Photos courtesey of Sheri Pulley. Find her on Facebook or at her website!!

Priesthood Blessings and the true blessing they are...

 James 5:14-15 

Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:

And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

Priesthood Blessing: A blessing given by a Melchizedek Priesthood holder, by the laying on of hands and by inspiration, to one who is sick or otherwise in need of special counsel, comfort, or healing. If the blessing is for the sick, consecrated oil is used.

The priesthood is the eternal power and authority of God. Through the priesthood God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power He redeems and exalts His children, bringing to pass "the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). God gives priesthood authority to worthy male members of the Church so they can act in His name for the salvation of His children. Priesthood holders can be authorized to preach the gospel, administer the ordinances of salvation, and govern the kingdom of God on the earth.

(All above were taken from lds.org)

<sup>I wanted you to understand the principles behind what I'm going to talk about today. For those of you who aren't LDS, I want you to understand how important the Priesthood is in our church. It is one of the most important things that we believe in and if you would like some more information, just let me know.

The other day my wonderful husband gave me a blessing. It gave me the peace and comfort that I have been searching for since this whole infertility thing started. It let me know that Heavenly Father truly knows and loves me and is aware of my struggles. It blessed me more than I can ever describe. If you ever want to feel the power of God, ask for a priesthood blessing. Even if you aren't LDS, look up the missionaries in your area. They will be more than willing to come and talk to you about what is going on and offer a blessing. All it takes is faith. Just like I quoted in another post, "Thy faith hath made thee whole."

There were some other events that helped me to see how aware Heavenly Father really is of us, but I'll talk more about those tomorrow.</sup>

 

 

Helping the Hurting

When you are struggling to get pregnant, things like child abuse, children dying of unnatural causes, etc. really get to you. It angers you. It makes you emotional and it makes you all kids of crazy.

The good comes when you are able to be a part of one of those children's life. When you can hold them, tell them you care and help them see the world through different eyes. It brings joy back into something terrible. That is really all I have for you today. I'm thinking a lot lately, so you all just get some random thoughts from me. I hope you enjoy it! :-)

Thy Faith Hath Made Thee Whole

Last night, my wonderful husband gave me a priesthood blessing to encourage me, comfort me, and help me through this time of trial. It helped so much. It was beyond comforting...I am so grateful to have that priesthood power in my life. For those who don't know about priesthood blessings, let me know, and I will explain!!

Today on the way home, I was listening to a cd and the song "Go in Peace" by Jessie Clark Duncan. The song is based on the passage in the Bible about the woman who touches Jesus' cloak in order to be healed. (Mark 5:25-34) The basic story is that a woman had been sick for 12 years and when she heard that Christ was coming, she knew that if she could just touch his clothing, she would be healed. When she touched him, she felt the healing, and Christ asked who touched Him. When He saw her, He said, " Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague." (v. 34)

While listening to this song and thinking about this passage in the scriptures, I realized something. Doctors, medicine, even Christ's Atonement can only take us so far. If we don't have faith that we can be healed, that Christ can overcome anything, we won't be healed. If I don't have faith that the doctors know what they are doing, that Heavenly Father and Christ know what I'm going through and that they will heal me and help me get pregnant, I won't ever get pregnant. Faith is what will heal me...that is what Christ says, "thy faith hath made thee whole". Not anything else...just faith.

I also find comfort in the next part of what Christ says, "go in peace". Not only does healing come physically but spiritually, and emotionally as well. Faith brings peace. Isn't that just so comforting? All you have to do to find peace is to have faith in Christ and Heavenly Father.

And that is my wonderful, comforting thought of the day. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

A Wonderful Husband

When a woman struggles with getting pregnant, everyone focuses on her. How is she doing? Are the hormones killing you? How hard is it to go through this struggle? And I will admit, through this short time I have been going through it, I have been selfish and only worried about my own feelings and insecurities.

But something hit me today....What about my husband? Well, he is amazing. Not because he isn't stressing, or worrying or going through any of the emotions that I'm feeling, but because he is staying strong through it. Let's be honest, if I was worried about all of my emotions, and all of his, this would be so much harder on me. However, he stays strong, holds me when I cry, and prays for me when he knows I've started to lose hope.

My husband never treats me like a failure, or turns his back on me. He is right there with me when I have to take my ovulation tests, and he forgives me when the hormones make me bite his head off (as long as I don't ask for a knife in the midst of the craziness. lol)

I know that this is hard on him, and that he prays every night, and wishes on every lost eyelash to have a baby, but I'm so lucky that he is able to stay so strong for me. He is the rock that keeps me going and brings me hope.

I suppose that is enough bragging on my wonderful husband. Just remember ladies...when you hurt, he hurts too. Make sure to try to comfort him sometimes. Give him the opportunity to talk and vent just like you need all the time. Becoming a family isn't just about you getting pregnant and becoming a mother...it's about you both becoming parents, Mother and Father, together.

Be Fruitful and Multiply

One of the first commandments given to man by God was to be fruitful and multiply....but what happens when you can't? That's where I am at. I am a member of a church that is centered on the family, and have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, but am having troubles conceiving. It's scary, heartbreaking, and down right frustrating at times. I feel like every time I turn around, I hit another roadblock.

But, things get better and there is hope. Some days I'm more optimistic than others, and luckily today is one of those days! I started my first round of fertility drugs today, and I feel wonderful. I also got to talk to my boss for awhile, who has 2 IVF children. She told me about how she struggled for almost 10 years before having her first child. I finally felt like I wasn't alone. Talking with her made me feel like someone understood me, and was there for me. It also gave me hope.

Hope is what I have been lacking lately. Hope, and faith. Today, my hope and faith have been renewed, and I look towards tomorrow knowing that I have been promised I will have children. I may not have them naturally, or it may take years, but one day (hopefully sooner rather than later...tee hee) I will have children, and my husband and I will have joy in our family!

Well, that's all for my first post. More to come soon!